We finally opened it.

Apparently this is wine. You may recall seeing it celebrated on The Real Housewives of Vancouver where ‘Ronnie’ decided (while on a stint in rehab, no less) to create a ‘light’ wine that would allow her to drink more of it any time of the day she wished. Genius…hmmm.

Now, full disclaimer here. I have actually only ever watched one episode of this show and this was actually the one. At first I was like, “Whoa! Cool – a show with some behind-the-scenes wine stuff in it!” But it wasn’t too far into the recording of the meeting with the PR group that I had to turn it off. It was clear this wasn’t about wine – the viti or viniculture, vintage, flavour, or pairing ideas.

What did become clear to me after opening it, is that no self-respecting winery or vintner would actually put their name on this stuff – and that’s why it ended up being a pretty anonymous label. Marta scored the bottle from an actual Housewife – it’s not available in stores (thankfully).

Sometimes when you taste a poor quality wine, through the staleness, lack of fruit or whatever is wrong with it, you can still sense it’s wine and it’s essentially ‘doing its job’ and tasting somewhat along the lines of what it should be tasting as.

Not so in this case. Nope. Nada. Nyet.

Clear and bright, pale straw with no legs or tears, it had an almost non-existent body. Jeff and Marta swore they found a nose of some tropical fruit including guava and pineapple. I think they were being charitable. I smelled bandaids along with a medicinal quality. Brian smelled nail polish. On the palate, we all thought it had been watered down and diluted. I couldn’t find any fruit at all. Wine? Where? Are you sure?

The verdict? Terrible. We actually poured it down the sink. Blech. I’d go so far as to say WSET ‘Faulty’.

Do not age, do not drink. Run!